As I posted only recently and several other times, I love to tell fibs, especially to my kids. So imagine MY horror when I discovered the other day my own Mum has been lying to ME for a whopping TWENTY THREE YEARS.n (No, it's not some reverse Eastenders shock where I find out my "mother" is actually my sister, stay with me, I'll need to take you back in time for this one).
I'm six years old. I've just stepped on a snail. The snail is writhing, still alive, its poor cracked shell ruined. I'm crying my eyes out, big style. My Mum comes out to see what the ruckus is and soothes me with this little nugget:
"It's okay Luce, it'll just be a slug now."
ALL THESE YEARS I've thought snails who lose their shells become slugs! And it's not true. I'm sorry if I've just shattered your illusions now, but I have my own pain to deal with.
I'm retiring for the weekend - now - with a bottle of gin.
See you Monday... maybe.