Have no fear, for I have RETURNED!!! I know you all missed me as much as I missed you. I promise not to go away for such a long time again... In the next two weeks, anyway. In the summer, starting from June, I have a whole host of stuff lined up so I'll probably forget I even HAVE a blog, so you bitches will get kicked to the kerb again. Soz in advance.
Now...What did I do?? Well, twenty minutes after arrival (yes, it's true - the bloody road between Chideock and Bridport was a NIGHTMARE! 4 MILES IN 40 MINUTES!!), I rushed down to the square to meet Dom and the elusive Danny Stack. Dom was in fine form as usual, enthusing about Dr. Who in his lovely baseball cap (or was that at Adrian Mead?) and then Danny turned up and I am relieved to tell you his beard is not taking over the world. A small connurbation, yes, maybe even one the size of Poole, but definitely not the world. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it James Moran.
Anyway, I wanted to seem delightful and charming and a fantastic writer (the mind boggles, I know: how can you prove that in a conversation??), but instead I started burbling about a dog I once knew called Michael and how it is possible to answer the door in just your underwear (thanks Dom!). Upon his arrival Danny informed me that he'd seen me in the street about ten minutes' previously and thought, "I bet that's Lucy." Perhaps I have one of "those" faces? The face of madness! As my husband always says. Cheers m'dear.
Talking of Him Indoors, he shamed me for all eternity on the Tuesday. His crime? He ordered a 16 oz steak/burger thing and was unable to finish it like a real man. In public too! I was so embarrassed. I tried so hard to smile through the tears but all I was thinking was, "My wonderful children will grow up fatherless now, since I'll be unable to look him in the eye ever again." I refused to unpack his things anyway. No point, since he's out the door tomorrow! ; )
We visited friends as well as the sights and one of my girlfriends and I went out in Charminster where we were chatted up by various Greek men who it seems wanted sympathy for their "cold, cold, wives". We told them to buy a convector heater - they're quite cheap this time of year - and went back to our pints of beer and the crafty fags we were having out of the sight of our disapproving husbands. On the bus home we sprayed perfume in our hair and chewed gum like fourteen year old schoolgirls hiding their habit from their Mum. And it was great.
The boy was in fine form, announcing on one of the days he was "only going to eat with his canines and not his incisors" (three guesses what they've been doing in science last term! Why? I ask. "Because I like a challenge!" he says), but poor old Lilirose aka Rosie (she would only answer to the latter on Tuesday) threw up more times than I knew possible when not possessed by some sort of evil spirit. Still, she did have a lovely time on the Wednesday when we visited Brighton and my lovely sister, also called Rosie. We visited the Aquarium where Lilirose made known her love for starfish, seahorses and more curiously, pollack. Conversely, she rejected all the farm animals that we saw at a farm park another day, even going so far as to poke a guinea pig in the eye, leading her father to speculate that perhaps one day she will love fishing just as much as he. Over my dead body.
What have you been up to?