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Friday, March 02, 2007

Ode To Crampon-Fred's Nads

Well...Crampon will be going under the knife in the next hour and I'm feeling the pinch of extreme guilt!!

Oh Crampon, your claws are like razors
And you bite like some kind of fur-lined alligator.
But this is not why I remove your testicles!
Oh no.
I am just trying to be the best cat mother
I can be:
So you might never feel the pain
Of teenage pregnancy
Like me.
Or your girlfriend leaving you
To shack up with some Tom called Fluffy
And then screw you for maintenance
To fund her catnip habit.
Or your kids not recognising you
When you turn up on Saturdays
To take them down MiceDonald's.
Far better
To have never loved at all.

Amen.

In other news, I'm off to the sunny shores of um... London tomorrow. I'll be seeing my lovely Metlab students once again and then afterwards I'll be seeing my wonderful screenwriting bitches The OR, Lara, Elinor and The Good Dog for a spot of lunch like the media whores we are.

What are you doing this weekend?

7 comments:

Optimistic_Reader said...

Now listen here, I am NO ONE'S bitch!

Sorry about Crampon Fred's soon to be removed nadgers. Poor kitty.

Lucy said...

Ha ha! You love it OR!

*whip cracks*

; )

The Moviequill said...

I am probably hauling my laptop down to the wife's office and work on my spec in the adjoining cubicle while she puts in the overtime...

Lucy said...

That doesn't sound the most romantic use of your weekend time, Movie Quill. Talk her out of it and go out on the town and buy her red roses instead. That's an order.

Olaf Legend said...

Brave Crampon. He had balls.

MaryAn Batchellor said...

Funny. My cat's name is Lucy.

Lucy said...

Olaf - HAD being the operative word...

Maryan - funny you should say that, becacuase when I was a child I had a FISH called Maryan. She met a sticky end when my sister's cat Fidget pulled her out of the pond and ate her, right in front of me. I wore black for a week like Queen Victoria and we buried an empty box with a rose in it as a symbolic grave.