...No, not that, you dirty little man!
Oh, I've come across all unneccessary. Where was I? Oh yes: I'm off. I haven't had a holiday since June 2005 (and that was my honeymoon, so doesn't count: who gets out of bed on honeymoon?? Why do people spend so much on them when all you need is a travel lodge and a tube of...okay, you get the picture).
So: that's right, you heard correctly, I'm actually taking time off! Is it a miracle? No, just burn out. Am I going to Thailand? The Seychelles? Chaverife? No, no, no...
We're broke. *Sigh*. We ARE going away later in the year though and I just HAVE to get away from poxy Devon and the poxy flat before someone very near me dies: possibly the Chav and Chavette who live at number 22 who have the fecking NERVE to play their telly at huge decibel levels, yet bang on our wall when Lilirose is crying! FASCISTS! So, for the safety of all concerned in the immediate area, we are visiting some friends for a long overdue mini-break dah-link. And it's only for a couple of days, so DON'T PANIC if your script is on my pile. It's bloody going with me. You know who you are, you slave-driving bastards (love you really, MWAH!).
My three cats already know something is up: they're eyeing me suspiciously. What they don't know is MY MOTHER is coming to look after them. She LOVES CATS and MAKES THEM HER BABIES which would be great for normal cats, except mine all have severe behavioural difficulties just like Mr. Tinkle in CATS AND DOGS. *Evil laugh*. Now we'll see who's sorry for ruining my new sofa!!!
So: please hold. Normal service will be resumed by the end of the week. Until then: ciao suckers. You know the drill: write fast, read slow, pick up all typos and questionable character motivations. I thank you.